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I sure am good at pretending. I pretend that I’m okay around my grandma who is slowly deteriorating. I pretend that I am happy when in reality, I am dying inside, a little bit more every day. I want to stop pretending but I would have to kill myself for that to happen. All I want is peace and happiness but I am lost. I am emotionally drained and I feel like I’m losing everything that I once held dear. My grandmother, who has raised practically everyone in this family is in so much pain. Her medication makes her forget who I am and even what day it is. I had to tell her three times today what day it is and it just makes me sad. I hold everything in and it’s starting to kill me. I just want to go back to what I always do when I get sick of holding things in. The rush of adrenaline from seeing the lines all in a row released all my brokenness. The crimson release made me high. I never wanted anything more than that. I quit, though and it’s all I can take sometimes not to do it again. I just don’t know what to do. I want to give up most of the time. I want to make it all go away with just a few little lines. I guess I should probably just shut up because no one’s listening anyway lol. So, I’m gonna go back to pretending now. It makes everyone happy.

Love is more than just a word
It’s more than just a feeling
It’s everything inside you
It’s what gives hope a meaning
When did we lose sight
Of the way that we feel
Why do we always fight
And deny what is real
These emotions start to drown
This heart feels misery
But there’s one thing that shines through
It’s what you do to me
I try to still my racing heart
Try to hide my blushing complexion
But there’s no use trying to start
To forget the ever present question
What does it all mean
Who brought these butterflies
I cannot comprehend anything
Except for what I see in your eyes
I can’t hide anymore
I want you all around me
Of not many things I am sure
But you are in everything I feel

trust:

i want $23,000 and someone to kiss me

gamsee:

my whole life is just “oh ok”

lovequotesrus:

Everything you love is here

lovequotesrus:

Everything you love is here

"you’re still my person, even if i’m not yours."

- (via suspend)

"I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be."

- (via minivampire)
Hope so (via ckgarden)
lovequotesrus:

Everything you love is here

lovequotesrus:

Everything you love is here

Saw this at a store when I was in Tinley Park. It’s adorable.

Saw this at a store when I was in Tinley Park. It’s adorable.